yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
