i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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