12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
