It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
