im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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