a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
