I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
