Cold hands, warm shart.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
