I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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