Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
