phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
