Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
