you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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