Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize