I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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