i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
