I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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