worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
