allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
