Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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