And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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