Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
