girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
