I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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