Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
