I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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