I should be sponsored by Trojan
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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