is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
