i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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