Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
