I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
