Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
