What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
