yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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