Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
