My friends, they love my intelligence
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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