wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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