Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
