I cockslap morals
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
