Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize