So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
