hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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