he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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