the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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