so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize