even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
