I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
