I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
