Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
