I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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