I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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