My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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