Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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