Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
