dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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