happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
