It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
