fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
