she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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