Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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