it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
