I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize