My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
