there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
