Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
