I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
