I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
