the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize