Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
