True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
