Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
