"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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