Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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