Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
