she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize