Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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