Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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