Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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