Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
