My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
