Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
