I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
