Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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