I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
