I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
