Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
