Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
