Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
