i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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