Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
