All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
