Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
