i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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