So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
