Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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