Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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