I faked an abortion last night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
