well you can't waste a boner
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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