Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
