I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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