I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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