why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
