question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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