3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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