so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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