we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
