I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Houston, we have a blender
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
