I cannot find my penis.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
