Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He passed out mid-signature
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
