Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
