i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
