Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
