Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
