I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
